One of the hardest things to find peace with is knowing that someone you love is passing judgement on you based off false information or a version of you that you’ve evolved past years and years ago.
I seem to find this most with families, extended family to be exact. As much as I see this happen in my clients personal experiences, I see it happen in my own as well.
And it’s one of the saddest things and hardest to digest.
So many grudges held for so long, and for reasons most can’t even remember in the first place. Hard feelings based on assumptions or rumors or one comment that happened in 1995.
Unfortunately, people push their families away first. When life gets hard and we are searching for someone to blame, most resort to placing that blame on a loved one. Studies show it’s a tribal thing, we believe they’ll never actually leave so we push them first and we push them the hardest.
People have the hardest time looking at their families when it comes time to process their own shit. They think they’re families wont understand or will judge them or won’t look past who they were when they were young and dumb… and sadly, sometimes that is the cold hard truth. Some families judge worse than strangers do. And those knifes cut deeper than any other.
Why we choose to turn away from our people is something I truly wish I had a simple explanation to, and that deciding to turn to our family instead of away from them is one that you’d think would be a no-brainer, right? Wrong.
So the bigger question is, why do we choose to keep the cycle going? Why do people refuse to let something go or turn a new page?
What if you could say “enough is enough” for the whole clan?
Those are very complicated questions, ones that I’ve spent a lot of time observing, dissecting, and healing to the best of my ability within families over these past several years but you know how that happens? When an individual chooses to stop playing a role that was assigned to them at 17. When an individual looks deeply within themselves and removes the judgement and assumption and grudges first. When an individual chooses compassion and kindness over all else. When an individual chooses to BE THE CHANGE in their own life, their own story first.
That healing happens with the individual first.
It all starts with one person, YOU.
You can’t force others to be different. You can’t force them to see the light and not turn away. You can’t force anyone to meet you at the table but one thing I know to be true is if you choose to behave differently and lead by example, eventually some will be inspired to do the same.
And maybe it’s your job to create the change that no one else is willing to engage in… but it starts with you.
All light and change begins inside of us first. We can’t make people do anything, all we can control is how we show up.
So choose to show up and love. Don’t do it for a reaction or response or to be the savior. Work until you find the joy within YOU so you can spread it with zero expectation other than to love more.
(Random journal entry that I felt someone, somewhere needed to hear/feel so here it is.)