I’m going to be 30 in a few days. 30 years old, it’s hard to believe. It feels like these past 10 years have flown by. To be honest with you, I’ve always felt older. I’ve always been one of the youngest people in every room most of my adult life. So NO, I’m not freaking out about hitting the big 3-0 like a lot of people keep asking. I’m actually excited.
I’m in the best shape of my life. I feel better than ever. I have a pretty kick ass life that I have single-handedly created. I am running a successful business that I built and have a killer personal brand. I live in a house that I love with my two fur babies and have my dream Jeep. All things that I’m super proud of.
Are there things “missing”? I sit here reflecting, sure. Are there things I thought I would have by now, maybe. But are there things I have that I never thought I could, ABSOLUTELY and that part is even better. I can honestly tell you that I didn’t picture this life was even possible and I’ve only built about 1/4 of what I have planned to create, so that is exciting.
This morning during my quiet time outside I got to thinking….I’M NOT SATISFIED so why do I keep trying to convince myself that I am?
Let me explain… Lately I’ve had some major shifts happen in my life. Sad, a little heavy but necessary and overall for the best. It’s been a truly enlightening experience but somewhere along the way of actually allowing myself to FEEL the feelings instead of brush them aside I started to convince myself that I was satisfied with my life where it’s at right now.
For some reason I’ve been having this internal conversation about how I am too hard on myself, I should be satisfied with what I have, with what I’ve build thus far, that I should stop pushing so much and just stand still and enjoy it, breathe it all in…
And ya know, maybe that IS what my soul needed for a stint. Maybe I needed to stand still for a moment, let the storm pass and just BE. But I can tell you that the past couple of weeks I’ve been stirring. I’ve been internally frustrated as fuck. I’ve been stopping myself from going hard. I’ve been stopping myself from diving into some new things. I’ve been stopping myself from blowing up the internet with all of the things in my mind. And this morning as I was reflecting I legit said out loud to myself “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
It’s like a light bulb went on and I cleared out some of the cobwebs that had started forming and I was FREE.
Free to go hard.
Free to go back to stopping what I was going 20 times a day to make a video or write an article or share a story just because the moment struck.
Free to releasing program after program.
Free to be CONSTANTLY CREATING.
Free to KEEP BUILDING.
Because honestly, FUCK STANDING STILL. I’m over it. I know that’s what “most people” tell me I need to do but I don’t want to. That’s not who I am. I’m not that girl. I’m the chick that’s constantly in creation mode. I’m the girl who either sleeps like a rock because her mind is fried at the end of the day or the one that stays up all night writing brilliant stories because I can’t shut off the flow. I LOVE THAT GIRL.
But you see, she doesn’t fit.
She doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
She doesn’t give herself any slack.
She doesn’t conform and while that’s lonely as fuck sometimes, it’s also like cutting off her air supply to try to make her fit.
This morning it hit me, it hit me hard. THAT is why I’ve been cloudy.
It might be a mixture of things but the reason those clouds have stuck around longer is because I cut off my own air supply. I tried to “quiet down” for a bit and baby, that is just not who I am.
I’m not quiet, about anything, ever. I don’t even have to speak words and I’m the loudest person in the room, it’s just a part of who I am. It’s part of my essence and it always has been. It’s part of my super powers. It’s part of why I was MADE for this life. It’s part of why I was MADE to dent the universe.
I choose to re-own it.
I choose to quit pussy-footing around.
I choose to claim my crown in a brand new way.
I choose to be the change every day.
I choose to forge an even bigger path.
I choose to BLOW THIS SHIT UP.
30 years old? Cool. Sounds good to me. LET’S DO THIS.
30, I see you and I raise you. You all think what I’ve built so far is big? Just stay tuned, I’m just getting started.