Why do we hold on to “how it used to be”? Especially in relationships. We are hopeful that maybe we can recreate the way things were at the beginning of our courtship when things were magical or when we first started our job and it was exciting and new.

The hope keeps us holding on, it keeps us optimistic that maybe it can be like that again. But hope is a dirty word. Hoping doesn’t get you anywhere. We know this in terms of money or closing a certain number of sales or paying our bills… but why don’t we look at it the same way in other areas of our life?

Why does it take getting walked on and disappointed repeatedly for us to realize that hope and optimism doesn’t bring past good times into the present?

Why do we choose to torture ourselves like that? Because I hate to break it to you, but it IS a choice.

Each time someone lets you down, you choose to allow them to get to you.

Each time someone ruins your day or hurts you, you have chosen to allow them the access to you to do so.

Now, I’m not saying don’t let people get close to you, that’s not what I mean at all. I’m just saying be careful who you allow.

Be care who you allow to have that sort of power.

Be aware that you are in charge of your reactions.

Be clear on the fact that people will only treat you the way you allow them to.

And be mindful of the fact that how you show up every day in a relationship, in a conversation, to a disagreement is TEACHING people how to treat you.

You’re not a victim of a boss that disrespects you, you allow it.

You’re not a victim of clients who don’t follow your guidelines, you allow it.

You’re not a victim of a boyfriend who doesn’t pay attention to you, you allow it.

So, I think that instead of hoping and wishing and always being optimistic, we should all try being more realistic, intentional, and present. Basically, sometimes we need to stop blaming other people and take some responsibility for our own damn actions.

You want something different?

Do something different.

End. Of. Story.