NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF REFLECTION

There was a time I could have given up on myself. I could have never looked for another answer or tried to find a solution. I could have just let myself whither away deeper into my symptoms and watch my own quality of life slip further away from vibrancy or any sort of okay.

The past 18 days have felt like an eternity. He’s had good days and really bad ones.

I keep a journal of every medicine, every meal, every walk, every time he’s good and happy and every time he’s not. I know the difference between his normal mouthy, “I’m Mac and you need to talk to me” sounds and his pain sounds. Or his “I feel really icky right now mom” sounds.

It’s ridiculous how often we allow someone outside to cause us to second guess ourselves.

Even when we KNOW we’re standing on solid ground. Even when we’re so damn clear about what is happening, what our intentions are, and the raw truth of the reality of situations.

So while I did that for a about 15 minutes. I paced around a little. I took a lot of deep breaths. I made some food to try and change my mind. I hugged Mac a lot. I read and re-read the notes the doc just sent me and the details about the new supplement I just added in because I’m bringing herbs into the game now. And I almost cried thinking he was right.

And then I remembered my Mom and how she didn’t care what anyone else said. She talked to me and our doctors. She watched me. She monitored everything. She wrote down every time I passed out or cried in pain. Outside of my Dad (who was in full support and agreed with her), no one else’s opinion matters. It’s like she had tunnel vision.

Knowing now how similar we can be, I can’t help what think how she might have actually gone into her bedroom and paced the floor replaying the negative things someone might have said that made her question her decisions.

If that did happen, I’m really glad she didn’t let it win.

Because she helped me. She got me the help she could and it worked.

I’m very aware that Mac’s cancer is not curable. I’m not being blind to that. I also know that he is a happy, healthy boy and he deserves me to do everything I can to keep him that way for as long as I can.

Because that’s what we owe our pets if you ask me.

They give us everything and never ask for anything in return…besides maybe some belly rubs and ball throws. Nothing in comparison to what they give us.

Tonight, I’m grateful that I made this connection and put those moments of doubt to rest.

Never underestimate the power of reflection and trusting yourself.