Big Fat Confession Time: I’ve been drowning.
These past 10 days, I have felt like I’ve been fighting to keep my head above water.
It’s like no matter what I plan or do, my head just has NOT been in the game, at all. Maybe for a few hours of the day but not my normal, “balls to the walls, crank out more work in 8 hours than most people do in a week” sort of way.
Which bothers the fuck out of me. It makes me feel like a fraud. It makes me feel like I’m failing. But when I stop and look at the 30,000 foot view, I’m still killing it.
Let me explain;
I have tons of energy in the morning, crank out my calls, client work, and then by 2pm my brain is cloudy as fuck and I just want to check out. And on a few days, I did just that.
I’ve spent more time in bed or doing aimless shit the past 10 days than I have in a year honestly.
Random note; I’ve also had better workouts than I have in months… weird how that works, right?
Anyways here’s the thing:
I had a big fat storm hit my life unexpectedly. I was throat punched by something big, something that I will go into detail with you all about later but it shook me. And it was in the middle of the raging storm that I made a decision, I decided that instead of fighting back, instead of trying to stop the storm, I let it rage. I let it run its course. I literally rode the storm out. It was ugly and painful and broke me down but the next day, the total emptiness was exactly what I needed to feel so I could finally move past it.
That was roughly 10 days ago. And I’ve been a little cloudy ever since. Not because I’m sad or hurt still, but more so because I need to be. I need to go with the flow. I need to follow my vibe where it’s going to take me.
And like I mentioned above, in the grand scheme of things I’ve still been killing it. Clients are rocking through their shit, my team is crossing things off the list like champions, I’ve been dominating my training sessions at the gym. So even though I don’t necessarily feel like I’ve been killing it, I HAVE been listening to myself and following my instincts on what I need right now.
On one hand, it’s been scary. I’m very hard on myself a lot of times. I hold myself to a very high standard when it comes to performing and cranking out content and knocking through tasks so when I’m not 100%, it’s heavy for me.
But on the other day, it’s been SO GOOD for me. I’ve been doing so much reflecting. Not only on my feelings but on my process. On the process that I follow 96% of the time to a Tee! And these last 10 days have been a true testament to the power of what I’ve built.
Its been a testament on how important it is to follow through every single day, on how imperative it is to stay on top of your shit and act on your desires and put plans in to motion when the mood strikes. Because, I feel like I’ve been drowning these past few days BUT being on top of your shit ALLOWS you to do this without everything completely falling apart in front of you.
THIS IS WHAT PREPARING LOOKS LIKE.
This is the reason I do what I do.
This is the reason I teach what I teach.
This is the reason I will never stop telling you to be intentional every single day, with every task and every hour.
This is the reason I will never say it’s okay to lie to yourself or not follow through on what you say you’re going to do.
THIS IS THE REASON.
THIS IS THE METHOD TO MY MADNESS.
To be a warrior in the garden so that when you must step out into the war, things don’t crumble around you.